A Place To Call Home

After looking for a new place to live for a few days now, I can't imagine why anyone would want to relocate to Asheville. I've already lived here for three years so I'm somewhat used to the ridiculousness of this city. However, I don't see how anyone coming in fresh would not be appalled.

Your future roommate.

OK, so let me put this into perspective a little more. You're young, you're kinda poor, and you're looking for an apartment for around $200. First of all, forget it. Your new price range is now $400. Where do you come from where you only pay $200 for a shared room? Jeez. Asheville is expensive and let me show you how.

My price range was $400-ish but parental pressures insist that there are multitudes of rooms for rent for the meager price of $300. So I look. And I find naught. However, there are some for $350. I just came back from looking at a place that cost $350. It had all the of the requirements in it's online listing; high-speed wireless internet, private room, cool roommates, artist space, low priced utilities, etc. Located in West Asheville. Remember that. West Asheville has a reputation and it's called "Worst Asheville" for a reason.
When I walked up the house (a spacious 5 bedroom) I was struck first by the cheery turquoise painted porch, then further struck by the dismal (and I'm assuming organic) garden with handmade plant stakes labeled with charming monikers such as "Whore's Radish".
Upon ringing the doorbell designed the scare the living daylights out of any visitor, I was met by the first of several dirty white guys with dreadlocks. Hippie music was blaring from some speakers. The room available hadn't been moved out of and hadn't been cleaned since the house was built. Everything in the house was communal (i.e.- filthy) and a total of 9 people currently resided, including a guy from Denmark who slept behind some hanging rags on the floor.
After showing me the one bathroom for said 9 people, and the "art" room (it was hard to see anything at all since no one would turn on a light in order to preserve precious Mother Earth) I was led into the backyard, where 5 people sat next to a giant chicken coop smoking the communal joint.
No thanks.

Your future landlord.

The $400 room is visited today was in Montford. Another notorious area of Asheville which I have lived in before, so I really should know better. This room promised utilities included in the rent, and sharing a living space with a female writer. Not bad. Walking up to the house, the first thing I was greeted with was a large upside-down American flag and the 4th amendment taped to the front door. Among other things. The "woman writer" is middle-aged with purple hair. The house is a little less than the advertised "bungalow" and completely papered with liberal and political posters. Furniture and bookshelves make the place seem like it's caving in. The place has no internet access, I'm informed. The room for rent is smaller than the bed I own. The bathroom is so full of junk I couldn't see where the utilities were. And speaking of utilities, they are so low because every morning "woman writer" goes into the kitchen and lights a wood stove for heat. Awesome.

So in conclusion, if looking for a little place to call home in Asheville, remember that you can rent a closet and a wood stove for $400 a month, and a filthy hostel for $350 (although I assume there are all the fresh eggs you can eat)