Saturday, September 29, 2007

Mixed Messages

I was downtown last night thinking about how crappy the world is, and how it sucks double because my favorite band, Rilo Kiley, was playing at the Orange Peel and it was sold out so I couldn't go see them. There were lots of people out and I was just people-watching. Asheville is a pretty strange place and not everyone is as smart as they think they are. Here is the gist of a conversation I heard between three girls:

Girl #1: Ohmigod! You should never eat shark-fin soup!
Girl #2: Ewww! what?
Girl #1: I saw this documentary-type thing about how they make it and it's so mean. Over in China they catch these sharks on boats, then they cut their fins off and throw them back in the water. I mean, it's basically like taking a human, cutting of their arms and legs, and throwing them in the ocean and saying "screw you!" It's not different at all. Sharks are mammals like us! Wait...sharks give live birth right?
Girl #2: Yeah.
Girl #3: Yeah...
Girl #1: Ok, yeah, so they're mammals too! See what I mean! It's just like cutting off a person's arms and legs and letting them drown!


Somehow this guy named Critter started talking to me and mentioned that he was going to the Rilo Kiley but he didn't really know the band or anything. I was completely jealous and urged him to hurry up and get over to the Orange Peel since the show had started. He left.
Then about ten minutes later he comes back and hands me a ticket. A ticket to see a sold-out Rilo Kiley concert at the Orange Peel on a Friday night. They were amazing. The place was packed and they played a lot of their old and new songs. Completely incredible!
My faith in humanity is restored.

On a slightly unrelated note, I was driving on Patton Ave. today coming from downtown and a guy completely rear-ended me. I've never been in any sort of car accident before.
I gasped out loud, and saw the guy in my rear-view mirror with this terrified look on his face. He was a Hispanic man with a girlfriend in the passenger seat who looked slightly amused.
I got out of my car and he was still silently freaking out. He probably didn't have insurance. There was a big white mark all along my bumper but it wiped right off so I just shrugged and said "Alright" and got back in my car. The look of relief and horror on his face was almost worth it. He pulled off into a parking lot, I assume to get his bearings and listen to his girlfriend fuss him out. Poor guy.

Drive careful everyone. Not everyone is as cool as I am. :-)

Thursday, September 27, 2007

Still Life

People are a lot like forests. At first, they don't seem like much, but the more you quietly observe, the more alive and engaging they become.

Monday, September 24, 2007

Perfect Rice

I posted a little recipe yesterday for some really cheap food. Rice is another really cheap food. I love rice, and not just because it's cheap. I eat rice almost every day as my main starch. I think the reason for this is because I know how to make perfect rice. But why keep the recipe to myself? Here is the recipe for 1 cup of Perfect Rice:
(Please note that I never measure anything, except water and rice, so adjust for your own tastes)

Put 1 C. water into a small saucepan on the stove.
About a tablespoon of butter/margarine/EarthBalance/whatever
A bullion cube. (You can use any kind, but the BEST flavor comes from the small cubes of vegetable bullion made by Maggi. It comes in a yellow cube-shaped box. Kind of hard to find but worth it!!)
A dash or two of turmeric
A healthy dose of Mexican Chili Powder
A tsp. of chopped garlic (you can use the kind in a jar)


A handful of diced tomato (very yum!)
A dash of cumin
Some cayenne pepper

Bring to a boil, add 1/2 C. rice, reduce heat to low, cover, and simmer until liquid is absorbed.

It's really good with fish, but I usually eat it by itself. If you just want plain white rice, make sure you add the butter. That is the secret to making good rice! :-)

Sunday, September 23, 2007

Guilty Pleasures: Flying Saucer

Here is one of my comfort foods, a flying saucer. I took a break from packing today to make a couple. It is serious kid food, because even kids can make it! Also, it is really cheap. I'm all about cheap food.

Turn on your broiler.
Put some parchment paper on a cookie sheet, or spray it with PAM.
Put a slice of bologna onto the pan.
Place a heaping scoop of instant mashed potatoes in the center.
Top with some of that horrible American cheese that comes in a wrapper.
Broil until cheese melts.

Ta-Da! Mmmm I feel better already.

Friday, September 21, 2007


Holy crap. Please for the love of God someone buy me this shirt:
I'm a size small!

Personal Observation:
Have you ever noticed that constantly checking Craigslist and/or email not only guarantees that there will be nothing new, but it actually makes time go slower?

Thursday, September 20, 2007


I made some soup in my crock pot today. It took all day and it is pretty delicious.
I was wondering if famous people use crock pots. Like, when Jennifer Aniston is shooting some scene in her new movie she's thinking to herself "Oh awesome. That gumbo is totally going to be ready when I get home." And Orlando Bloom is all like "Man I can't wait for this photo shoot to be over so I can eat me some beef stew. Hell yes."
Make a movie and cook gumbo at the same time? Talk about multi-tasking. No wonder those people get paid so much.

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

A Place To Call Home

After looking for a new place to live for a few days now, I can't imagine why anyone would want to relocate to Asheville. I've already lived here for three years so I'm somewhat used to the ridiculousness of this city. However, I don't see how anyone coming in fresh would not be appalled.

Your future roommate.

OK, so let me put this into perspective a little more. You're young, you're kinda poor, and you're looking for an apartment for around $200. First of all, forget it. Your new price range is now $400. Where do you come from where you only pay $200 for a shared room? Jeez. Asheville is expensive and let me show you how.

My price range was $400-ish but parental pressures insist that there are multitudes of rooms for rent for the meager price of $300. So I look. And I find naught. However, there are some for $350. I just came back from looking at a place that cost $350. It had all the of the requirements in it's online listing; high-speed wireless internet, private room, cool roommates, artist space, low priced utilities, etc. Located in West Asheville. Remember that. West Asheville has a reputation and it's called "Worst Asheville" for a reason.
When I walked up the house (a spacious 5 bedroom) I was struck first by the cheery turquoise painted porch, then further struck by the dismal (and I'm assuming organic) garden with handmade plant stakes labeled with charming monikers such as "Whore's Radish".
Upon ringing the doorbell designed the scare the living daylights out of any visitor, I was met by the first of several dirty white guys with dreadlocks. Hippie music was blaring from some speakers. The room available hadn't been moved out of and hadn't been cleaned since the house was built. Everything in the house was communal (i.e.- filthy) and a total of 9 people currently resided, including a guy from Denmark who slept behind some hanging rags on the floor.
After showing me the one bathroom for said 9 people, and the "art" room (it was hard to see anything at all since no one would turn on a light in order to preserve precious Mother Earth) I was led into the backyard, where 5 people sat next to a giant chicken coop smoking the communal joint.
No thanks.

Your future landlord.

The $400 room is visited today was in Montford. Another notorious area of Asheville which I have lived in before, so I really should know better. This room promised utilities included in the rent, and sharing a living space with a female writer. Not bad. Walking up to the house, the first thing I was greeted with was a large upside-down American flag and the 4th amendment taped to the front door. Among other things. The "woman writer" is middle-aged with purple hair. The house is a little less than the advertised "bungalow" and completely papered with liberal and political posters. Furniture and bookshelves make the place seem like it's caving in. The place has no internet access, I'm informed. The room for rent is smaller than the bed I own. The bathroom is so full of junk I couldn't see where the utilities were. And speaking of utilities, they are so low because every morning "woman writer" goes into the kitchen and lights a wood stove for heat. Awesome.

So in conclusion, if looking for a little place to call home in Asheville, remember that you can rent a closet and a wood stove for $400 a month, and a filthy hostel for $350 (although I assume there are all the fresh eggs you can eat)