2009 in Photos

2009: A Year in Photos!

January 2009: I started shooting handguns. I still had a part-time job at Laurey's and I was going to school at AB Tech.

February 2009: I visited my sister in Miami to see her BFA dance performance. I got fired from Laurey's.


March 2009: Went lobbying in Raleigh for LGBTIQ rights for EqualityNC

April 2009: I got my second tattoo, Jenny and I took a weekend trip to Savannah, GA, I participated in the Charlotte protest march against Cliffside, made from of Teabaggers in Asheville, and Magpie and I drove to Boone so he could interview Starhawk for his upcoming book. Also filmed the notorious "Asheville Police Brutality" video in downtown Asheville.

May 2009: I went to Miami (again!) for my sister's graduation, and I got my first black eye in a May Day mosh pit there. I rode trains and hitchhiked for the first time with Justin and his dog, Cheech. Got my third tattoo. Dropped out of school (again!) Got my first misdemeanor charge for photographing a police officer in downtown Asheville.


June 2009: Took on a 6,000 mile hitchhiking trip from North Carolina to California (and back again). Saw the Pacific Ocean for the first time in my life.


July 2009: I bought a school bus. Went to a Black Moth Super Rainbow show and gave myself a nasty scar and some permanent nerve damage on my finger from a broken glass. Sold my Honda del Sol.August 2009: Cut my hair for Locks of Love. Hitchhiked to Virginia with Jeff for the last visit with my grandmother. Had terrible luck. Got put in the back of a cop car. Rode on my first IM freight train out of Roanoke.

September 2009: Went to the Globe Forest camp-out. Had my 25th birthday in Asheville. Cut my hair again. Had to pay almost $300 for the misdemeanor charge back in May, but avoided probation.

October 2009: Went to Florida (again!!) to see my Grandma for the very last time. Visited Graham and my birds in Sebring. Lost my wallet, camera, and keys on Halloween because I got too drunk. Got it all back later.

November 2009: Didn't do too much this month. Hung out at the HBH with someone I was unofficially seeing and watched other people get stoned.

December 2009: Iceland.


So overall, I did a TON of stuff for the first time. Basically had no work all year. No serious relationships. Lots of friends came and went. I had a few breakdowns. Changed a lot. Got a grip. 2010 is already much better. :-)

Happy Bird Casserole

You know, animals need good food too! I found an $8 juicer at the ABCCM thrift store today and juiced some carrots. The mash left over was just too nice to put in the composter with the worms, so I made some Happy Bird Casserole for Cracker and Phillip.
Many people don't realize that pet birds, especially parrots, cannot live a long, healthy life on seed alone. In fact, many people don't even realize that parakeets (budgies) and cockatiels are parrots at all! Parrots are hookbills and their bodies are designed to eat a variety of foods, including lots of fresh greens. My birds eat Harrison's Pellets, which are organic and preservative-free. They're great and I highly recommend them. It's worth the cost.
Seeds are the bird equivalent of junk food. Sure, they can live off of it, but not for very long. It is essentially a slow starvation diet. Parakeets can live to be 18 years old, and cockatiels can live to be 30. There is no reason why a pet bird should have it's life cut short because of poor diet.
In addition to healthy pellets, pet birds should be given fresh greens and vegetables, fruit (if they like it- some birds don't), and occasionally grains and seeds. Check online or with a vet to find out which foods are safe. (For example, avocados can kill a parrot in minutes).
Here is one variation of a recipe for Happy Bird Casserole, which is a nice treat to give to your birds...

Mix together:
1 C. cooked brown rice
1/2 C. mashed carrots
1/4 C. cooked and mashed sweet potato
1 tbsp. ground flax seed
dash of cayenne pepper or paprika

To make convenient serving size portions for later, stuff the casserole into ice cube tray slots and freeze. When you want to use it, pop one out and microwave to thaw it. When it's completely cool, it's ready to be nibbled!
Variations on this recipe are almost endless. Add finely chopped broccoli, apples, kale, etc... Just make sure that all ingredients are fresh and free of dirt and/or mold. (Some things to avoid are: onions, mushrooms, avocado, and anything that you are unsure of. Birds have very delicate systems!)

Vermicomposting

This might be the easiest sustainability project I've ever completed, unless you count passive composting, which is a little ridiculous to begin with. This is another one of those things that I thought was a lot more involved until I read otherwise in a book called Toolbox for Sustainable City Living, which is available at Firestorm Cafe and Books in downtown Asheville.
Basically, all you need to do is acquire some red wrigglers (Eisenia fetida) and about ten minutes. According to Toolbox for Sustainable City Living, these worms are special because they do really well in compost as opposed to soil, and they secrete a substance that kills pathogenic bacteria. So when a nasty bacteria touches it's skin, the bacteria dies.
I posted a wanted listing on Freecycle and the next day a sweet woman had a container of worms waiting on her porch for me. Someone had given some to her, and they had reproduced. "It feels good to pay it forward!" she chirped as I was leaving. (Thanks gift economics!)

So here's how you do this thing:

Get a container. It can be made of plastic or wood. I had these left over from when I started passively composting last year and they got too small. I'm sure something suitable could be easily dumpstered.
Drill some ventilation holes. However you see fit. The book reccomended a couple of large holes with screens over them. I used a drill bit and made a bunch of them then duct-taped some cheesecloth over them.
Layer the bottom with some bedding. This can be shredded newspaper, cardboard, dry leaves, or something similar. (This will have to be replaced at some point when the worms eventually eat it.)
Add your compost and worms. Voila!

Surprise Spring Cupcakes

I had forgotten how much I miss cooking vegan. I fell out of that circle of friends a while back, but recently I've met a few people with very specialized dietary restrictions. When I worked in a restaurant, it always annoyed me that everyone had some special allergy and had to ask a million questions before they could order. But when I can cook something because I want to, and not because have to (i.e.- DEATH ALLERGY), it's really enjoyable.
So, today my good friend Jenny and I are hosting a Spring potluck and I decided to make some cupcakes. But not just any cupcakes. Vegan, sugar-free cupcakes.

Here's how I made them:

For cupcakes:
2/3 C. soymilk
1/2 tsp. apple cider vinegar
1/3 C. vegetable oil
1&1/2 tsp. vanilla extract
1/2 tsp. almond extract
1&1/3 C. all-purpose flour
3/4 tsp. baking powder
1/2 tsp. baking soda
1/4 tsp. salt
2/3 C. agave nectar/syrup

For icing/mousse:
1 large avocado
1 tbsp. (or more depending on taste, color, texture) cocoa powder
agave nectar to taste

Heat oven to 325F.
Mix soymilk and vinegar and let sit for a few minutes while it curdles.
Beat in wet ingredients.
Sift in dry ingredients.
Mix until smooth.
Fill cupcake liners 3/4 full of batter.
Bake 20 min. or until a toothpick comes out clean.
Let them cool for at least 1 hour.

For the Icing/Mousse:
use an electric mixer to beat avocado, cocoa, and agave nectar smooth.
As you can see in the photo, some little pieces of avocado wouldn't beat smooth, so it had some green flecks. Depending on your equipment, this might not happen.

To decorate the cupcakes, I put a pinch of bee pollen (not necessarily vegan, I know) in the center and made flower petals with almond slivers. Cute! (And yes, they taste good!!)

Bread Making

I've been experimenting with breadmaking lately. So when I found this recipe I was pretty excited.
Making bread always seemed intimidating and difficult. It was always easier to go to the store and buy a loaf of something with a million ingredients wrapped in a plastic bag. I don't eat much bread anyway, so the loaf would sit around for a while (in the fridge), all of the preservatives giving it a half-life about on par with double-plastic wrap hugging it.
So I stopped buying bread and didn't really miss it. I made a couple of white loaves and froze one, so those lasted me quite a while. Now that I've got more time on my hands, I have more time to start experimenting with different kinds of bread.
My first couple of attempts yielded delicious, but dense loaves, and my baguette experiment unfortunately ended up being way too salty due to a gram/teaspoon misconversion (whoops). But despite these supposed setbacks, I find myself surprised that I still enjoy the breadmaking process. It's magical, and there is something really cathartic about kneading dough until my arms are tired (and then some). I don't recall ever being taught how to knead dough, but it seems as though that knowledge has worked its way into the collective consciousness of humankind. The movements are fluid and natural. After a while of having your hands groping at the supple, skin-like mass, and giving it space to grow in privacy...I tend to get attached to it. I almost don't care how it turns out (although I'm slowly learning that it's very hard to mess up when it comes to making bread). I'm making some obvious allusions to raising children, which is what breadmaking is- a mini lession in patience, nurturing, and care, ending in the final result which is delightful despite the independent nature of each loaf.
It makes me feel more human than almost anything else to be in my home and spend a couple of hours breadmaking. Bread is something that is pretty much universally loved. I don't know anyone without dietary restrictions that would refuse a slice hot-out-of-the-oven.
I encourage you to try this recipe, and many others. Breadmaking is becoming a lost art, as are most DIY skills. But bread is basic. It represents human nourishment, community, and the home. And it's not as hard as you think!

Fried Plantains

Fried plantains are an obligation at some Cuban restaurants. At least for me. They've always been a favorite, but for some reason I never attempted to make them until recently. They are very easy to make, and (to my delight) taste exactly as I remember them.

You need:
Plantain (the skin should be black. Not brown, not spotty...but black)
Vegetable or olive oil (just enough to cover the bottom of the skillet)

All you have to do is peel the plantain and slice it on a diagonal into wedges about an inch thick. Heat oil in a skillet until it's hot enough that water goes "PISHHHH!" when you flick it in there.
Lay your plantain slices in the oil and fry them until each side is dark brown. Then flip them and do the same. Reduce heat and let them caramelize for a minute or two.

Ta-Da! So easy! (Although I always set off my smoke detector any time I fry *anything*)


You can serve them with a little bit of honey if you want, but they are plenty sweet.

Two things I love about fried plantains:
1. You can use waaaay ripe plantains. Mine had been slightly neglected and the skin was starting to mold (the insides were OK) so the insides were like baby food...and they still came out perfect after frying.
2. Even if you burn a side to a cinder, they still taste good!

Earth-Friendly Dish Detergent

After reading a fabulous book called "The World Without Us" by Alan Weisman, I am newly inspired to do more to keep polymers out of my home (where they won't make their way to the oceans- where plastic is now the most common oceanic surface feature).
Here is something simple that everyone can feel good about. Make your own dishwashing detergent! Granted, using a dishwasher isn't the most Earth-friendly thing you can do. It uses a lot of water and energy. However, the way I cook and do dishes, I think sometimes it is more efficient to just run the darn thing (and it's EnergyStar rated, so that's good!)
Most dishwashing detergents you buy in the store not only come in a plastic bottle, but they contain unnecessary and harmful chemicals, like phosphates.
All you really need is a mild abrasive, and an antimicrobial. Baking soda happens to be both.
Here's what you do:


One part Baking Soda
One part Borax


(You can also use:
One part Sodium Carbonate
One part Borax. )

Just mix them up in a recycled container and use two tablespoons per load. This is not only better for the planet (both ingredients are water-soluble and harmless) but it's also extremely cheap.
How awesome is that?!

Bananas and Basil

It's hot. I think it hit 90F today. It's way too hot to bake cookies. I could probably pour batter on the sidewalk and bake cookies. But. I baked cookies. When a banana cookie craving hits, it's hard to control my actions.
To even out the extra 350 degrees in my house, I whipped up a banana basil smoothie. I know. It sounds strange. I have this giant basil plant that I suspect has some kind of hypnotic control over me; forcing me to add basil to every recipe.

Here's what I did:

1. Half a really ripe banana (a whole would have been better, but I used it for making cookies)
2. Two basil leaves (big 'uns!)
3. A sprig of stevia (for sweetness...didn't really work. You could skip this part and just use sugar)
4. Soymilk (vanilla flavor would have been yummy)
5. Ice (I used enough ice and soymilk in combination to make it blend.)
Then I put it in the blender and pressed the button. That's how smoothies are made.

Sure, sure. Everyone knows how to make a smoothie. Who cares? How did it taste?! I actually thought this would be a basil nightmare. I thought I added too much basil and it would end up tasting like one of those weird basil-seed drinks at the Asian market with the slimy seeds in it. (I digress...) But... It really is very tasty! The flavor is very light, which really surprised me. It went well with the cookies too.

Speaking of cookies, they were really yummy too. I don't know why exactly banana cookies always come out like soft little pillows filled with angel wing down. But they do. Angels vacationing on a tropical island.
The recipe I used is a little more interesting than recipes I've used in the past. Here's what I did:

1/2 C. butter @ room temp (which in my case is about 400F *wipes sweat from brow*)
1 C. sugar
1 egg
1 C. mashed bananas (or 2.5 big guys)
1 tsp. baking soda
2 C. flour
pinch of salt
1/2 tsp ground cinnamon
1/2 tsp ground nutmeg
1/2 tsp ground cloves
2 bars of chocolate (dark and milk) crumbled up.

Heat oven to 350F. Cream the butter and sugar until fluffy. Add the egg and beat until also fluffy.

Mix mashed bananas and baking soda. Let sit for 2 minutes. (the recipe says that the baking soda will react with the acid in the bananas and make the cookies rise. Interesting...)

Mix banana mash into butter mixture. Mix together the flour, salt, and spices. Sift into the banana mixture and mix it until it's just combined.

Fold in the chocolate and drop dollops onto a baking sheet. Pull 'em out when they're golden-brown.

I can already tell I'm gonna eat too many of these.

Making Pasta

I went thrift shopping today and found a pasta maker at the ABCCM for $5. I've never made pasta before, so I thought 'what the heck' and bought it. I've seen a couple of interesting pasta flavors on TasteSpotting lately (like squid ink and stinging nettle) so I thought I'd try something more adventurous for my first try, rather than plain. However, I didn't have any squid ink lying around so I picked some of the massive leaves that grow on my Valentino basil plant and a few sprigs of dill. My little garden has been doing really well lately, and I'm sure it's glad to finally be put to some use.
I was really surprised at how simple homemade pasta is. It takes a lot of time and work, but the ingredients and process is relatively fool-proof. Here's what I used:

2 c. of all-purpose flour
2 c. semolina flour
pinch of salt
6 eggs
2 tbsp. olive oil
handful of basil and dill, each

First, mix the flours and salt together and make a pile on your nice, clean counter. Then make a hole in the center so the whole thing looks like a powdery volcano. Crack the eggs into the hole and add the olive oil.
I chopped the basil and dill and added it with the olive oil into a food processor and chopped it up really fine (kind of like making pesto). This is what I used instead of straight-up olive oil. (I also added a smidgen more to the volcano in addition to my herb paste.)
Then take a fork and whisk the eggs slowly into the flour that creates the well. At some point it gets thick and then I had to start mashing it up with my hands. It was so messy and so fun.
The part that isn't too much fun is kneading it for about 10 minutes. I don't think I did it for that long, but I made sure it was all smooth and supple before I stopped. Then I wrapped it up tightly in plastic wrap and let it rest for 30 minutes.

After the dough and I were done resting, I took a handful at a time and fed it through the pasta roller at the largest setting. Then it needs to be folded into the thirds and fed through again. The setting is lowered to a thinner setting for thinner pasta. It gets cut in the appropriate slot (one for wide noodles and one for thin noodles). I made the fettuccine on the third largest setting, and the spaghetti 'bird nests' on the fourth (which is pretty thin...and it goes all the way to 6 or something!). That way I got to play around with the entire machine to see how it all did.

Most of the pasta I hung over a conveniently shaped photo holder...but we'll call it a pasta drying rack in this instance. The spaghetti I twirled into nest shapes and put on a cloth placemat to dry.
The rest of the pasta (the scraps, that is...) I threw into a pot of boiling water with some salt. Freshly made pasta takes almost no time at all to be 'done'. It only took a minute for mine, but it's finished when it floats.
As you can see, the results were fantastic! I sprinkled a dash of olive oil on top, grated some of that really nice hard Parmesan cheese, and then topped it with my own mix of dried herbs, and some more of that wonderful Valentino basil.
YUM!

None Shall Pass

Aesop Rock was at the Orange Peel in downtown Asheville last night to kick off his None Shall Pass Tour. Blockhead and Black Moth Super Rainbow were featured as well.
Blockhead was OK, but Black Moth Super Rainbow was amazing. No guitar; just a couple of keyboard, a stellar female drummer, and a lead bass guitar. Probably better live than on CD.
This was the best concert ever. Aesop Rock shook my hand before the show, and Rob Sonic shook mine three times. Plus in the middle of the show, they announced that Asheville was beautiful, and he came over and said "You! You're beautiful! High five for being so beautiful!" and I got to reach up on stage and give him a high-five. So that ruled really hardcore!
Hooray for Aesop Rock!!!!!

Meet My New Friend

I started picking up catering gigs at Laurey's, which is a real nice place to work.
Yesterday I helped out at a wedding which was located near Marion in this amazing building in the middle of a lake. The place is called "The Casino" because during Prohibition, people could still gamble and drink there because it's not on land. There's a 300 ft. boardwalk leading to it that I don't think was originally part of it.
Of course it was really beautiful. We set up the tables, the linens, the table decorations, etc. I got put on bartending duty with a man who was in our crew and later helped with the serving and cleaning, etc.
It's a really fun job and I enjoy it. There's a lot of heavy lifting and hard work. I got to the shop at 11am and we didn't get back until 3am. Today I'm very sore and pretty tired.
I just thought I would mention that if I ever get married, I will not have a wedding. There are a few reasons why I don't think it would be a good idea to have a wedding anyway, but after catering this one, I definitely won't have a big party.
There was a lot of booze at this wedding. Everyone got pretty wasted. It wasn't pretty at all. I hate to think that these people decided to start the most important day of their relationship together surrounded by people who were so intoxicated they could barely function. I would have been embarrassed. Especially being surrounded by so much family that cares about them so much.
I was in the kitchen somewhere between 10 and 11pm and as I looked up and out the door into the hallway, a girl passed by, leaned over, and vomited on the floor. She then continued the vomit in our recycling bin, and then someone led her into the bathroom to continue vomiting. Half an hour later, she was caught with a six-pack in her hand.
I watched the best man make out with a window.
A man and woman got into an argument on the deck, and after shoving her, the man started chugging wine out of the bottle. Then when he finished it, he handed it to someone on my team to dispose of.
I guess as weddings go, it wasn't a terrible disaster. It definitely could have been worse. After spending 16 hours catering to a bunch of rich people and then having to clean up their puke and about 15 broken glasses and 12 broken beer bottles, I was somewhat disillusioned with the whole wedding party thing. Can you blame me?
I did get to take home this little friend, which was part of one of the table settings. It's a plant called "String of Pearls". I thought it was a succulent, but it's not. It's in the sunflower family. It's really odd and I've never seen anything like it before. I like it. :-)

Traveling

I'm reading Henry Miller's "Black Spring" and today I was having somewhat of a Miller Moment, so I went downtown with my sketchbook to draw in Pritchard Park.
Prichard Park, if you are not from Asheville, is the place where the Friday evening drum circle is held, and when that's not happening, it is where the bums hang out. Always good, if not a little scary, for people-watching.
When I got there, there were three people playing instruments (banjo, guitar, and something else) so I started to draw them, but they all left. That left not much else besides a bunch of pigeons and about 8 people who were scheming on how to get a dollar out of me.
I watched a few of them on top of the stone steps feeding the birds. They swarmed around them furiously. When they ran out of crumbs, they resorted to trying to catch them.
A young-looking guy with grey hair pulled into a ponytail sat near me and asked if I was writing poetry. I said no and he acted as if he didn't believe me. His name was Scott, he said. He was pleasant, from out of town, but wanted no directions or suggestions about the city. He walked away, looking happy.
As soon as Scott left, one of the guys caught a pigeon. It flapped it wings tremendously, trying to escape, but it was caught by the tail. Everyone thought that was pretty funny, and finally it must have beat it's wings hard enough to break free, because suddenly the guy was standing there with a fistful of feathers. He seemed perturbed by that and his friend retaliated by attempting to lob a bag of nuts at the pigeons that had bravely stayed behind.
I don't know what the segue was for the next bit, because I was about to leave in disgust, but the same guy who was dealing with the pigeons said something to a homeless woman that she didn't like. They yelled back and forth and a very thin, young homeless boy ran over to interrupt. The woman pulled a knife out of her backpack expertly and brandished it in front of the fat man. She held it behind her back and no one came forward. He just stood there dumbly. Stuffed animals were falling out of her now open backpack. Someone picked up a dropped hat.
She folded the knife after a few moments, and no sooner had she walked away, the fat man picked up a couple of glass salad dressing bottles and started threatening the skinny guy with them. He wrestled one out of his hand and they sparred with them before one fell. It was plastic.
The fat one yelled and then threw both of them down onto the cement, where they crashed into white-coated pieces.
He got run out after that and everyone started to pick up. I found a few shards and tossed them away. It was all I could do since everyone jumped to help so quickly; before I could even walk across the pavilion.
I left the park and found Scott on the next street standing next to another young-looking guy playing guitar. He had messy reddish hair. I can't remember his name.
I asked if it was OK to stand with them, and Scott asked me a lot of questions about where I was from, how I got to Asheville, and literature. He and his friend had been traveling in a van from Ohio and ran out of gas around the corner. But they both liked it in Asheville and were going to stay for a while. Scott thought he might move here permanently.
We all walked over to the Dripolator to see if they would let them play guitar for tips, but it was a no-go. Scott bought a cup of coffee and we all sat outside talking about strange things that had happened along the way.
It was really very pleasant. I wish I had had more to offer them. Maybe they wouldn't have wanted it that way.

Mixed Messages

I was downtown last night thinking about how crappy the world is, and how it sucks double because my favorite band, Rilo Kiley, was playing at the Orange Peel and it was sold out so I couldn't go see them. There were lots of people out and I was just people-watching. Asheville is a pretty strange place and not everyone is as smart as they think they are. Here is the gist of a conversation I heard between three girls:

Girl #1: Ohmigod! You should never eat shark-fin soup!
Girl #2: Ewww! what?
Girl #1: I saw this documentary-type thing about how they make it and it's so mean. Over in China they catch these sharks on boats, then they cut their fins off and throw them back in the water. I mean, it's basically like taking a human, cutting of their arms and legs, and throwing them in the ocean and saying "screw you!" It's not different at all. Sharks are mammals like us! Wait...sharks give live birth right?
Girl #2: Yeah.
Girl #3: Yeah...
Girl #1: Ok, yeah, so they're mammals too! See what I mean! It's just like cutting off a person's arms and legs and letting them drown!

Yikes.

Somehow this guy named Critter started talking to me and mentioned that he was going to the Rilo Kiley but he didn't really know the band or anything. I was completely jealous and urged him to hurry up and get over to the Orange Peel since the show had started. He left.
Then about ten minutes later he comes back and hands me a ticket. A ticket to see a sold-out Rilo Kiley concert at the Orange Peel on a Friday night. They were amazing. The place was packed and they played a lot of their old and new songs. Completely incredible!
My faith in humanity is restored.

On a slightly unrelated note, I was driving on Patton Ave. today coming from downtown and a guy completely rear-ended me. I've never been in any sort of car accident before.
I gasped out loud, and saw the guy in my rear-view mirror with this terrified look on his face. He was a Hispanic man with a girlfriend in the passenger seat who looked slightly amused.
I got out of my car and he was still silently freaking out. He probably didn't have insurance. There was a big white mark all along my bumper but it wiped right off so I just shrugged and said "Alright" and got back in my car. The look of relief and horror on his face was almost worth it. He pulled off into a parking lot, I assume to get his bearings and listen to his girlfriend fuss him out. Poor guy.

Drive careful everyone. Not everyone is as cool as I am. :-)

Still Life

People are a lot like forests. At first, they don't seem like much, but the more you quietly observe, the more alive and engaging they become.

Perfect Rice

I posted a little recipe yesterday for some really cheap food. Rice is another really cheap food. I love rice, and not just because it's cheap. I eat rice almost every day as my main starch. I think the reason for this is because I know how to make perfect rice. But why keep the recipe to myself? Here is the recipe for 1 cup of Perfect Rice:
(Please note that I never measure anything, except water and rice, so adjust for your own tastes)

Put 1 C. water into a small saucepan on the stove.
Add...
About a tablespoon of butter/margarine/EarthBalance/whatever
A bullion cube. (You can use any kind, but the BEST flavor comes from the small cubes of vegetable bullion made by Maggi. It comes in a yellow cube-shaped box. Kind of hard to find but worth it!!)
A dash or two of turmeric
A healthy dose of Mexican Chili Powder
A tsp. of chopped garlic (you can use the kind in a jar)

Optional:

A handful of diced tomato (very yum!)
A dash of cumin
Some cayenne pepper
Parsley

Bring to a boil, add 1/2 C. rice, reduce heat to low, cover, and simmer until liquid is absorbed.

It's really good with fish, but I usually eat it by itself. If you just want plain white rice, make sure you add the butter. That is the secret to making good rice! :-)

Guilty Pleasures: Flying Saucer

Here is one of my comfort foods, a flying saucer. I took a break from packing today to make a couple. It is serious kid food, because even kids can make it! Also, it is really cheap. I'm all about cheap food.

Turn on your broiler.
Put some parchment paper on a cookie sheet, or spray it with PAM.
Put a slice of bologna onto the pan.
Place a heaping scoop of instant mashed potatoes in the center.
Top with some of that horrible American cheese that comes in a wrapper.
Broil until cheese melts.

Ta-Da! Mmmm I feel better already.

Fact:

Holy crap. Please for the love of God someone buy me this shirt:
I'm a size small!

Personal Observation:
Have you ever noticed that constantly checking Craigslist and/or email not only guarantees that there will be nothing new, but it actually makes time go slower?

Multi-Tasking

I made some soup in my crock pot today. It took all day and it is pretty delicious.
I was wondering if famous people use crock pots. Like, when Jennifer Aniston is shooting some scene in her new movie she's thinking to herself "Oh awesome. That gumbo is totally going to be ready when I get home." And Orlando Bloom is all like "Man I can't wait for this photo shoot to be over so I can eat me some beef stew. Hell yes."
Make a movie and cook gumbo at the same time? Talk about multi-tasking. No wonder those people get paid so much.

A Place To Call Home

After looking for a new place to live for a few days now, I can't imagine why anyone would want to relocate to Asheville. I've already lived here for three years so I'm somewhat used to the ridiculousness of this city. However, I don't see how anyone coming in fresh would not be appalled.

Your future roommate.

OK, so let me put this into perspective a little more. You're young, you're kinda poor, and you're looking for an apartment for around $200. First of all, forget it. Your new price range is now $400. Where do you come from where you only pay $200 for a shared room? Jeez. Asheville is expensive and let me show you how.

My price range was $400-ish but parental pressures insist that there are multitudes of rooms for rent for the meager price of $300. So I look. And I find naught. However, there are some for $350. I just came back from looking at a place that cost $350. It had all the of the requirements in it's online listing; high-speed wireless internet, private room, cool roommates, artist space, low priced utilities, etc. Located in West Asheville. Remember that. West Asheville has a reputation and it's called "Worst Asheville" for a reason.
When I walked up the house (a spacious 5 bedroom) I was struck first by the cheery turquoise painted porch, then further struck by the dismal (and I'm assuming organic) garden with handmade plant stakes labeled with charming monikers such as "Whore's Radish".
Upon ringing the doorbell designed the scare the living daylights out of any visitor, I was met by the first of several dirty white guys with dreadlocks. Hippie music was blaring from some speakers. The room available hadn't been moved out of and hadn't been cleaned since the house was built. Everything in the house was communal (i.e.- filthy) and a total of 9 people currently resided, including a guy from Denmark who slept behind some hanging rags on the floor.
After showing me the one bathroom for said 9 people, and the "art" room (it was hard to see anything at all since no one would turn on a light in order to preserve precious Mother Earth) I was led into the backyard, where 5 people sat next to a giant chicken coop smoking the communal joint.
No thanks.

Your future landlord.

The $400 room is visited today was in Montford. Another notorious area of Asheville which I have lived in before, so I really should know better. This room promised utilities included in the rent, and sharing a living space with a female writer. Not bad. Walking up to the house, the first thing I was greeted with was a large upside-down American flag and the 4th amendment taped to the front door. Among other things. The "woman writer" is middle-aged with purple hair. The house is a little less than the advertised "bungalow" and completely papered with liberal and political posters. Furniture and bookshelves make the place seem like it's caving in. The place has no internet access, I'm informed. The room for rent is smaller than the bed I own. The bathroom is so full of junk I couldn't see where the utilities were. And speaking of utilities, they are so low because every morning "woman writer" goes into the kitchen and lights a wood stove for heat. Awesome.

So in conclusion, if looking for a little place to call home in Asheville, remember that you can rent a closet and a wood stove for $400 a month, and a filthy hostel for $350 (although I assume there are all the fresh eggs you can eat)

Awesome Prof. Quote #1

Prof. Gnilka, Biology:

"The things that are obvious to me may not be obvious to you, and in reality...uh, may not exist."